i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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