Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
