i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Sacagawea was the original milf.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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