His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize