Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
