so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
