There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
