Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Boobs are out for the taking
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
