so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
