giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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