Your face is a jimmy john
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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