My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
