it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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