You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
