i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
