so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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