How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
