He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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