i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
