My pussy is not your playground.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
