I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
