Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
where are my eyebrows?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
