Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
