Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
