i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We smell like vodka and hangover
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