I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
