dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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