just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
