mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
