the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
