i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
