my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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