He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
