Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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