Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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