I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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