Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Girls should come with a carfax report
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I will be naked everywhere
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
