The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
