you traded sex for a burrito?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
