she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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