I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize