You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
