Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize