I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
