either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
