So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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