Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
