my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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