Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
