If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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