i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
