I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
