I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
