I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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