Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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