you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
