me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
