What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
