Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
