Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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