I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
