how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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