I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
