It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
