I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
