life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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