Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
