I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
