So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
