So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
