I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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