another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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