I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
