Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
