if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
