I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize