A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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