Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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