WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
