at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
