I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
