I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize